Monday, August 31, 2009

Day 40

Lately, I've been having the urge to blog when I'm out and about and then when I come home I have nothing to say.

Even now as I'm trying to write out my thoughts... I find that most of them are... incomplete. Which totally describes how I feel oftentimes.

How am I doing? I am exhausted. I've been tired all the time for the past few days. I wake up and I'm tired already. I can't tell if I'm physically exhausted, emotionally exhausted or some combination of the two... or if one is causing the other. Bottom line, I feel like sleeping all the time.

That probably means that I need to rest. And rest is good.

I feel like there's different levels of rest. There's rest from work, there's rest from schoolwork... there's rest from other commitments... and then there's doing-absolutely-nothing rest. It's really hard for me to sit still, rest, and do nothing. When I have a break, I want to catch up on my leisure activities like watching a movie or things I've wanted to do, but left for another time... like sewing a button back onto a shirt. Better yet, sewing a button while watching a movie. Yes, I even multi-task my leisure activities.

I think I'm pretty industrious. I usually find that I get a lot of stuff done in the course of a day. Someone once asked me "how do you do it?" and I wrote a quote for her: never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. And then someone else once told me... never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow (Mark Twain). Hm. :)

Breaking things up into smaller tasks also helps me get things done. It's like creating stepping stones for myself instead of trying to jump far and wide all at once. Sometimes I feel like I'll be able to rest better once I get things out of the way first. It's hard to rest when your mind is full of things you have to do. So I write them down to empty my head. And then I make a phone or a google reminder for myself so it's not so completely out of my head that I never get around to doing it.

Rest is important. It doesn't just happen when you're done with whatever it is you're doing. It needs to happen on a regular basis. Some people need to rest a little less, some people a little more. Right now, I need to rest and be still. Be still and know that God is God.

At work or at rest... I constantly ask myself, why am I doing what I'm doing? What is the purpose? Usually, what I'm doing has a purpose... sometimes it doesn't. Like playing Bejewled Blitz. It has absolutely no purpose and it is not worthwhile, but somehow I still find myself playing a lot. I think I need to go back to fasting Bejeweled Blitz. Anyway, so what am I doing? All the little tasks being checked off my never-ending lists... where are they leading me? Am I hopping from stone to stone but keeping my eyes on the stones and not on my final destination? Is being busy giving me the illusion that I'm going somewhere? Am I idling in the driveway? Or am I actually on the road and getting where I want to be? Where AM I going? What IS my purpose?

OK, I don't go through that entire thought process every time I do something... otherwise nothing would get done. But I do wonder.

It's good to question and evaluate yourself... but I don't need to know the answers to everything before I do it. I do, however, need to know my purpose. Yesterday's sermon was a good one to remind me of my purpose and Sunday school was a good one to reinforce that purpose in my life.

Psalm 150:6 Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD.

Psalm 145:10 All you have made will praise you, O LORD;
your saints will extol you.

11 They will tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,

12 so that all men may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

To know Him and make Him known. Hallelujah.

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