Sunday, October 25, 2009

Day 94 - Stop and go

I've been busy.

If it's not with work or school, it's hanging out... meeting people... and in my spare time, I do a little homework. Today is Sunday... a day of rest. I had 2 hours at home alone before it's time to go out again. I have some homework to do, but I figured... for 2 hours, I'd just stop. Stop running around, stop thinking about what I have to do... stop juggling... just stop.

I laid down for a bit. Buried my face in my blanket and inhaled the sweet, floraly scent of fabric softener still lingering on the threads. I love the smell of laundry. Zombieland Rule #32: Enjoy the little things.

I looked across my room at my bulletin board and hanging there is something that Julia drew/colored for me... a picture inspired by a conversation that Anderson and I had in the ICU back in Texas.

I remember that encounter. I remember it as a really sweet moment. A truly sweet moment between husband and wife... or best friends really. As I was reliving the memory in my mind... a big fat tear started welling up in my eye... you know how it slowly grows, clouding your vision... and then it reaches critical mass, gravity claims it... and another big fat one grows in its place.

I miss him.

He'd be so happy for me though. I think I'm becoming the person he always wanted me to be. He'd have been the first to tell me how happy he was that I was happy. How happy he was that I was having fun with my friends. He'd probably ask me if I really needed those boots, but then he'd turn around and say how pretty I looked in them and how he'd feel so sloppy in his t-shirt and jeans. He used to say, "I love you happy" and "you're my happy". He'd tell me that I was his sunshine... when skies are blue... because he loved it when skies were gray. Sorry so sappy.

He'd also always say "you wear me out, woman". He'd get tired just hearing about my day. He never understood how I'd have the energy to do all the things I did. Frankly, I don't really understand it either.

Almost time to go again. I'm glad I stopped for a bit... remembered a bit... cried a bit... and blogged a bit.

til next time...

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