Reflecting on this past birthday... a few things stand out to me. This is the first year, in what feels like a very long time, that I've felt I've gained a new church family. It's been a huge answer to prayer. I've spent the last few years at a few different churches and it's been a heartbreaking transition each and every time. With every church I decided to leave, I felt so disappointed... so lonely... and much like I was leaving an unrequited lover. It hurt a lot to leave one church and brave another one on my own. But if it took a few failed attempts to keep me on the search for a family that would love me back, then I'm glad I went through it. I wrote before how I felt that churches were like different soils and I am a plant. I can feasibly grow in different soils but some soils have the right combination of nutrients and minerals which are more suited to nurture the flower that I am right now. It feels a lot easier to be here. Like a breath of fresh air. I'm not sure if I'm meant to be here forever but for now, I'm pretty darn sure this is where I was meant to be.
I am also so touched and amazed by the number of people who gave me gifts which truly moved my heart. And especially amazed at the extreme thoughtfulness of some of my newest friends. I am always delighted to receive things from people. Oftentimes, I am more delighted by the thought than I am by the gift. I think that this year, there were SO MANY gifts where I was doubly delighted by the thoughtfulness of the giver and by the utter perfection of the gift. I felt as though my lovely friends were mind readers...as if I were playing a game with all of you and I imagined something I wanted... and somehow so many of you just KNEW. If I think realistically though... it's not as though all my friends are psychic... they were just really good at paying attention... and really talented and thoughtful gift buyers. And maybe I got better at letting other people know me as well. I've really, really enjoyed spending time with my friends. I'm still enjoying spending one-on-one time with you. I'm always really surprised at how much effort and how far some of my friends will go to spend time with me. I feel like I am such a horrible friend compared to all of you. After all my popcornopolis is gone... after all the gift cards to my favorite places have been used... my favorite things shared with my favorite people... have truly reminded me how loved I am and that I am not alone, despite how lonely I feel at times.
Thank you for continuing to read my crazed and random thoughts. Until next time...