Day 98 - Lavish Love

I'm not sure if this is going to come out quite right, but I'll give it a try anyway. Um... if you don't have time to read this novella, skip to the last paragraph.

Have you ever had one of those moments... when you're just SO in awe... dumbfounded even... at the realization of how much someone has done to show you they love you? It leaves you speechless. Almost in tears. You realize that this is it. He's the ONE. The search is over. This is who you're going to spend the rest of your life with.

I had one of those moments this morning... and suddenly... magically... so many things fell into place and I realized... and I was speechless. I've been the recipient of... lavish love.

The term "lavish love" came into my mind a few weeks ago actually. I was poking around on Anderson's laptop and I found something he wrote to me... a while ago... maybe in 2007 or so. This particular document was one of those WordPad documents... he liked using WordPad because it loads faster and it's simple... it's all he felt he needed most of the time to jot stuff down without all the complication of having to open a Word document. Anyway... I stumbled upon this particular document. It was a flood of text. I think it must have been at least a page, single-spaced about all the things Anderson loved about me. All my weird quirks... all our inside jokes... who I am, inside and out... the way I dress, the way I say things, the way I show him I love him... right down to how I dispose of my boogers... he loved it all. Sorry if that was TMI (that means Too Much Information, for those of you who didn't already know). Pages of "I love the way you..." and so on. It was almost embarrassing to read, but that's when the term came to mind. I was loved with a lavish love. Love isn't just words... he showed me lavish love through his actions too... through his sacrifice for me... through constantly putting my needs above his... choosing to comfort me in my sorrow while he suffered in his failing body. Lavish love.

In my devotionals, this week's name of God is Ish, which means husband in Hebrew. It's the name of God that was used in Isaiah & Jeremiah to describe Him as the husband of His chosen people of Israel. I'm no Hebrew scholar... it's just what I read.

I've been learning/realizing how much our lives here on earth are but a foggy shadow... a dimly represented form of the true reality of what's waiting for us in the kingdom of heaven. Very concretely, the marriage relationship is a dim reflection of how God loves His church... His people. Recently, my small group went through Ephesians and we had a very good discussion about how husbands were to love their wives like Christ loves the church.

Here's the passage from Ephesians 5 (The Message)

^25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.

^29-33No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.

I would venture to say that Anderson loved me with this kind of love. He brought out the best in me. Through loving me, he was used by God to purify me... mold me... change me... transform me into a better person. Through his love, I was made presentable... in other versions it says "without wrinkle" and "spotless". I'm still a work in progress, but I really believe that this is what Anderson's love did in me. It's a truly beautiful mystery. I'm SO, SO blessed.

Now... if this is the kind of wonderful husband God provided for me... and all of life here is a foggy shadow... how much MORE powerful is Christ's love to bring out the best in me... in you... in His church? And all I have to do is honor Him? Sounds good to me!

Now to honor God... to honor Ish... husband... what does that look like? Well, I can tell you what it doesn't look like through the example of Hosea and his wife, Gomer. This is from memory so please feel free to correct me if I got some things wrong. Basically, God told Hosea, one of His prophets, to go marry an adulteress/prostitute. Why would He do that?!? I used to think that it was pretty darn messed up of God to tell Hosea to do that. Why not some nice, Jewish girl from an upstanding family and a big dowry? I don't think it's messed up of God anymore... Now I see... it was so that Hosea could understand in real life how God acts and how God feels for His people. The messed up one was Gomer.

Gomer had it good. She was basically trash. Hosea found her, married her, brought her out of her destructive lifestyle and elevated her to the highest place in Hosea's house... she was his wife. His jewel. His precious. He provided for her, put a roof over her head, a pillow to sleep on, one bed to lie on. Her search was over. She had a home and a husband. They had children. She had security. You would think that she would have been, at the very least, grateful... if not completely head-over-heels speechless and in awe at the lavish love that Hosea poured on her.

But that's not what she did. She was unfaithful. She left him and went to pursue other lovers. Isn't that just SO messed up?

And what did Hosea do? God told Hosea to go find her... love her... and buy her back. He paid for her! For his own wife! Did he have to do it? Dunno. Should you have to pay to get your own wife back? No... but that's what he did. He paid the price for her... because he loved her and wanted her back.

K. So. Messed up, right?

It's totally symbolic. God is Hosea... and Israel is Gomer. Totally NOT how we should be honoring a husband.

So on to honoring... how do you honor a husband? Through submission and obedience. Not making it up. It's in the verses right before telling the husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church.

As much as it angers me that Gomer basically spat in Hosea's face by leaving him... that's how we should view our rebellion and our sin against God. God redeemed us... He saved us from a life of destruction, of wandering, of running from place to place, person to person... looking for something, but never being satisfied... He saved us from all of that... elevated us to a place of honor... adopted us as His own... and turning our backs on Him to chase after money, power, status... even love... to allow our sins to remain in our lives... is a grave injustice... vile profanity. Spitting in the face of One who has only ever shown us lavish love.

God is holy. He is perfect. He is blameless... without spot, without blemish... perfect goodness and purity. Because He's holy... He hates sin. It's dirty, it's filthy, it's vile. He can't stand it. We can't be in His presence when sin's present and if God is good and God is life... anywhere without God is horrible, painful death. So out of love for us... He gives us the opportunity to be clean, restored... pure and holy... the opportunity to be with Him in all His goodness. He paid the price to wipe away the dirtiness... and that price was His Son. All we have to do is believe and confess with our mouths.

Romans 10:⁹ that ^L)">if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and ^M)">believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved;

¹⁰for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.

You know what I think is SO awesome about God? So many things but one of the biggest is that going to Him... receiving Him... costs us nothing... and everything at the same time. God wants us to love Him. He wants us to be purified... through obedience... with the motivation of LOVE. That is totally NOT in line with what a human would think... as evidenced by so many other religions whose motivation to purification (or to do what they feel is right) is through force or threat... or through the promise of power, or sex with virgins, or upward mobility. Those things... are so... human. So typical... that the BEST a human could come up with... the "heaven" that they think is worth aspiring to consists of ruling over your own world (power and control) or sex. But motivation through love? And motivation for what? Not to gain power or control or status... but to die to ourselves so that God will increase in us. Who'da thought of THAT?!? Who'da thought that saying no to yourself... sacrificing yourself... NOT looking out for yourself... and submitting to God would bring you any happiness whatsoever? No human would have thought that, but that's exactly what happens when you give your life up to God. You're washed clean, you're made complete... you don't have to look anywhere else for anything because you've got it all. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control...

This entry isn't very "PC". In fact, it's probably offensive. Some of it anyway.

This one took me a long time to write and I still don't think I'm done... but I'm tired.

Horrible way to end a post.

How did I want to end this? I wanted to write about how Anderson's love opened my eyes to God's love... about how I would respect my husband is also how I should be respecting God. And about how every sin, every rebellion... every time I look elsewhere for fulfillment... is like a betrayal to God... trading something priceless, pure, and valuable, for something broken, ugly, and will not satisfy. Leave behind and submit your sins, your idols... with urgency... run back into the arms of the One who loves you with lavish love. Keep running back to Him, every minute of every day for the rest of your lives. Yeah. That's what I wanted to say. Night!

Day 94 - Stop and go

I've been busy.

If it's not with work or school, it's hanging out... meeting people... and in my spare time, I do a little homework. Today is Sunday... a day of rest. I had 2 hours at home alone before it's time to go out again. I have some homework to do, but I figured... for 2 hours, I'd just stop. Stop running around, stop thinking about what I have to do... stop juggling... just stop.

I laid down for a bit. Buried my face in my blanket and inhaled the sweet, floraly scent of fabric softener still lingering on the threads. I love the smell of laundry. Zombieland Rule #32: Enjoy the little things.

I looked across my room at my bulletin board and hanging there is something that Julia drew/colored for me... a picture inspired by a conversation that Anderson and I had in the ICU back in Texas.


I remember that encounter. I remember it as a really sweet moment. A truly sweet moment between husband and wife... or best friends really. As I was reliving the memory in my mind... a big fat tear started welling up in my eye... you know how it slowly grows, clouding your vision... and then it reaches critical mass, gravity claims it... and another big fat one grows in its place.

I miss him.

He'd be so happy for me though. I think I'm becoming the person he always wanted me to be. He'd have been the first to tell me how happy he was that I was happy. How happy he was that I was having fun with my friends. He'd probably ask me if I really needed those boots, but then he'd turn around and say how pretty I looked in them and how he'd feel so sloppy in his t-shirt and jeans. He used to say, "I love you happy" and "you're my happy". He'd tell me that I was his sunshine... when skies are blue... because he loved it when skies were gray. Sorry so sappy.

He'd also always say "you wear me out, woman". He'd get tired just hearing about my day. He never understood how I'd have the energy to do all the things I did. Frankly, I don't really understand it either.

Almost time to go again. I'm glad I stopped for a bit... remembered a bit... cried a bit... and blogged a bit.

til next time...

Day 91 - Changes

Has it really only been 3 months since I last held his hand? Kissed him on the cheek? Put my hand over his beating heart?

It feels like a lifetime ago. And yet... if I close my eyes... I can vividly see myself at his side in the ICU at MD Anderson in Texas. I remember sitting in my little chair at the side of his bed. Staring at his EKG, staring at his IV pumps... making sure they changed the bags and reset the machine so it wouldn't beep and annoy him... just in case he could still hear it. I remember wiping his eyes, washing his face, giving him a shave (after he got trach'd)... so just in case... he'd feel better... cleaner... more presentable. I remember it all. It just feels so long ago.

It's nearing the end of October! Let's see... I've felt like so much has happened these past few months. I'm 2/3rds done with the semester taking 16 units (I'm crazy and never dropped the class I'd told myself to drop), I've been doing public health nursing things in San Bernardino County, interning at St. Jude on tele... learning a lot, doing a lot of things that are pretty new to me.

More things that are pretty new to me... I started BSF, maintaining intentional accountability relationships with multiple women, and the most fun new thing... been meeting up with and hanging out with more people the past 3 months than I probably had in the entire year previously. Maybe even the past two years.

I seriously remember thinking this way and it's almost shameful but I'll admit it. Whenever people used to ask me to do things... the first thing I would think of is an excuse as to why I couldn't go. I'M SO SORRY. I rarely wanted to go out to do things, see people, or even talk to people (and then I complained about why I had no one to hang out with...). So this is why all of this is pretty new to me. I'm more likely now to say yes than to think of excuses why I can't go... it's gotten to a point where I somehow have a really hard time saying no. I'm exhausted, but I'll go play tennis anyway. I know I should be doing homework or cleaning my room, but I'll decide to go meet up with someone anyway. Every blank space on my google calendar is now an opportunity to schedule more time with people. I told myself that I need to back off on the scheduling... that I needed more time to myself... more time at home... and then...

I just scheduled another hangout this morning. I told myself to cut back on scheduling things, but... my heart yearns to see people, to share life with them... and yes, to share a meal with them. Maybe... all the energy I poured out on Anderson... I'm now pouring out onto everyone around me. A little bit here, a little bit there... I just feel like there's so much more to give. Like my heart is bigger. My heart feels more. My heart laughs more. I care more. I miss people.

I definitely feel like my heart of stone has been replaced with a heart of flesh. One other thing I've noticed is that my heart becomes grieved when I see people hurting, people in pain... I just want to help them. I don't pick up on everything around me, but definitely a whole lot more than I did before. It might seem like it's normal to empathize with the pain of others, but honestly, I don't think I ever did that much before. It's almost like, I used to have an eggshell all around me and it would take some force before that eggshell would crack. Now I feel like a hardboiled egg without a shell. Every little thing that pokes me makes a dent. Kinda hurts. But I hurt when they hurt. I'm OK with that.

I don't mind. I'm not tired of it. Not burned out... yet. I feel like I've been blessed with so much... my heart's been overflowing with so much... I just WANT to pour out a little love here and there. Even saying "I love you" to other people... whenever people used to say it to me, I'd feel myself not wanting to say it back to them. I'd only said "I love you" to Anderson or my parents... but now it's like I want to say it to everyone. It's so bizzare. Too much love coming out. Pardon me if I make you uncomfortable. I can't help it. Weird stuff comes out of my mouth.

This is getting kind of long but I just wanted to share a little bit about something that made me happy at work. A few weeks ago, I was working one particular night at the hospital. I had 2 patients who were... so sad. One of them was one of those needy, high maintenance patients, the ones that the nurses don't like having. Another one was not that high maintenance, but just sad about their failing health and kept making comments like "I wish I had a new body" or "I've got nothing to live for". Maybe it reminded me of Anderson's struggle. I dunno. I just felt really compelled to spend more time with these patients. The high maintenance one never wanted me to leave the room so that one was easy. But as I waited with her... I felt like holding her hand... so I did. Hand holding is really... difficult for me. I don't hold hands. Anyway, I held her hand. I stood there in silence, holding her hand. With a glove on. I then somehow felt compelled to ask her if she believed in God. So I did. She said she was methodist. So I asked her if I could pray for her. And I did. I'm ashamed that I forgot her name while I was praying for her but oh well... I prayed for her anyway. After that, she was just so thankful. I felt happy that I could do that for her. Such a small thing, but it was something. And then the other patient... I told her that I would come back and talk to her because she was complaining that she was bored with nothing to do. So I went and did my charting things and came back to talk to her. I made small talk. I really don't like making small talk. I asked her about what she used to do. I asked her more and more questions. As I was talking to her, I saw her smile. Just seeing her smile... I was so happy. I asked her if she could try to get some rest... and she said that she would try. She smiled. Really... just such small things... I hope the two of them felt a little bit better during my shift with them. Anyway. It was a good day at work. I love my profession. It's pushing me to grow in areas that I need to grow in. It gives me opportunities to share a little bit of life with people in need. I get to help. I'm really glad I'm a nurse. Makes me happy.

OK, such random thoughts but I just thought I'd write down the changes I've noticed... sorry it was so long... and all about me. K... better go get some stuff done before work tonight...

Day 89 - the cherry on top

Not all days are brilliant, but some days are. At the end of some days, you just smile as you think back on all the wonderful things that have happened. Some days, you get an extra special cherry on top. Today I got a cherry on top. Anderson sent me an e-card. :)

I'm not sure when he wrote it or why he chose today to send it. Every single time I wonder if this one is the last one I'm gonna get. I watched P.S. I Love You a few years ago and I bawled like I'd never bawled while watching a movie. It's a VERY good thing I watched it at home, alone in my room and not in a theater. I probably used half a tissue box that night. And after I watched it once, I think I watched it again. That movie hit so close to home... but I also remember thinking that Anderson wouldn't ever plan those things for me. He was never a huge planner. He was more go-with-the-flow. I was pretty sad back then, thinking that he'd probably never leave me anything of himself after he'd pass on. Although e-cards and webcam videos aren't the same as a trip to Europe... he did leave me bits and pieces for me to find later on... and to remind me that he loved me.

I spent this past weekend on the east coast. I went out there with a little bit of emotional turmoil and a pretty bad case of motion sickness, but at every turn, it seemed like God left little love notes for me to find, open, and bask in the warmth (despite the frigid weather) of experiencing little bursts of love all over the place. K that was a really long and weird sentence that probably didn't make much sense, but you kinda get what I mean. I felt loved. I really felt loved.

Let's see... at the airport, I ran into a high school friend who just so happened to be on the same flight to NYC as me. We caught up over some outrageously overpriced Burger King since our flight was delayed a couple hours. After getting to NY, I got 2 big hugs from my good friends from college and we pretty much laughed and made fun of each other nonstop the entire weekend as they guided me on my eating tour of Manhattan/Brooklyn and as I dragged them to Philly and onto my non-stop friendship tour on my last day in NY.

I'm not an extroverted person. Myers Briggs always labels me Introverted. I'm usually drained by the time I'm done hanging out with one or two people. Not true lately. The whole weekend was non-stop going out, eating out, meeting up with people, shopping, people watching on the subway... and ending the day chit chatting with my bed buddies. I loved every minute of it.

I loved waking up early to go get awesome pancakes... and then getting lox/bagels/cream cheese, pastrami sandwiches and matzo ball soup as we waited for pancakes. I loved walking across the Brooklyn Bridge and then devouring the best pizza ever... and then going to get ice cream afterwards in 40 degree weather. I loved watching Zombieland with my friends and then making silly movie references all weekend long. Cardio. Double Tap. I loved having Amish breakfast with an awesome friend. Those apple dumplings ROCKED! I loved randomly calling a friend and being able to meet up with them cuz they just so happened to be a block away at the time I called. I loved running up the same steps that Rocky ran up and then taking goofy pictures at the top. I loved having cheese steaks and fries with cheese whiz in the rain... and then getting gelato afterwards. Pineapple and sage somehow go really well together in a sorbetto. Even though I felt nauseous, I still loved going to eat pumpkin pancakes and then ending up eating everyone else's food cuz mine made me more nauseous. I loved taking soup and juice to a sick friend and then thawing out and catching up in her awesome apartment. And I love Zabar's. Zabar's made me love paninis. Meeting up with more friends and a cousinish over hot paninis... warm awesomeness. Warm, gooey cookies and milk after paninis. Yummers. And then shoe shopping at the biggest Macy's EVER. More awesomeness. Church service was about friendship and fellowship, using Jonathan and David as an example... quite fitting. I loved going to eat... uh... French Mexican food and getting tangled up in their halloween decorations. And then meeting up with a friend I hadn't seen since 7th grade! Too, too awesome. Late night grocery shopping and Japanese peach gummies... watching hilarious home videos, trying to pronounce the ingredients to Chinese "sinus tea" and climbing into an outrageously large Macy's bag... loved it all.

Even when I got back home... I got taken out to eat yummy pizza in LA and then Rite Aid ice cream. I'm definitely 5 pounds happier. Don't worry, I worked out when I got home too. I'm probably going to have to work out pretty hard to undo the fatty indulgence/damage from this weekend, but it was SO worth it.

I had a super awesome weekend. God's little love notes were strewn all along my path these past few days. Love notes mean so much more coming from someone who truly loves you and knows you. Anderson's notes were mostly silly to make me laugh... but also silly to remind me to take it easy and take breaks because he knew I tended to overextend myself and get stressed out. Much in the same way, God's love notes to me were sent to speak exactly where I needed it and in the way I needed it. I'm not really in need of more food or external padding, but I do love me some good eats. All these friends... all the laughs... really spoke to my heart and lifted me up and out of whatever gunky mess I'd put myself in previously.

So when I got Anderson's e-card. I smiled. I didn't cry. My heart didn't wrench. I smiled and my heart smiled. It was the perfect love note cherry on top of a rich and gloriously delicious weekend.

Day 79 - Clueless

I apologize for not having blogged in a while. It's not that I didn't have thoughts that I wanted to share with you all... there were just things, people, and events that I had been pouring into that when it came to the end of the day... I had nothing left to pour out onto this blog.

How am I doing? I'm doing really really well. School's keeping me busy, but more significant than school... God's been filling my life with so many people that I feel like my heart is overflowing with love and fellowship. I remember telling/complaining to Anderson about how I had no close girl friends... how I yearned for close girl friends or even a best friend (who wasn't him)... and how I kept coming up empty in that area. I look at my life now and I am SO blessed to be the recipient of blessings from SO many other women. There are women to laugh with, to cry with, to shop with, to study with, to work alongside with, to share my heart with and it is definitely one of the hugest ways that God has provided for my every need and fulfilled the desires of my heart. Thank you, ladies, for your love!

I worked a night shift last night and I'm working another one again tonight. I had intentioned to sleep until 5:30pm and then wake up and get ready for work, however, a persistent cough and a mind overrun with thoughts has kept me awake since 3pm. I've only squeezed in one REM cycle this morning. I hope it's enough to get me through the next 16+ hours until my head can once again be laid to rest on the cloud I call my bed.

I think today... I wanted to write about being... clueless. I call it clueless... I think the Bible calls it darkness. Blindness. Having eyes but not seeing... ears but not hearing. I felt like I'd been clueless all my life... until suddenly... I was not. And I feel like I've been having so many of those "clueless and then suddenly not" moments lately.

Let me back up and catch you up a little on the life happenings since my last post... over 2 weeks ago. Almost immediately after my last post on the 22nd of September, I got sick. Probably a cold or something. I wasn't sick enough to be bedridden... I was just sick enough to need to stay home, cancel my social engagements, and spend time on homework. I was sick just enough to remove one layer of my life... going out and being with people and having a quick, clear mind to think and converse. I totally feel that God used my physical weakness to strip away one layer of my life that I found security in. Once that top layer was gone... many more things came into light.

When I was physically weak, I put aside all the "extra" things in life and I struggled to just keep the bare minimum for survival. I kept my times with God because I needed it... I kept my homework going because that's my job for now. Functioning at bare minimum, I slowly began to see what else I tended to rely on for comfort and security... what things I indulged in to help me get through the day. It brought to light a lot of misplaced security in things of the world and therefore became sins that I had to confront and uproot in order to keep my heart undividedly seeking God as my number one, all-encompassing source of security, identity, love, and life.

As God was revealing these things to me... I was in awe. One by one, I was awestruck and blessed by how God was revealing things to me and providing me freedom from being enslaved to these areas of my life... and awestruck and appalled at how sinful I truly am and how clueless I was about it. I had no idea. I was clueless... until I wasn't.

More often than not, songs tend to speak to me more powerfully than written word alone. I've blogged about it before in the "Lifesong" entry. Anyway... these words came to mind:

I was lost in utter darkness 'til You came and rescued me
I was bound by all my sin when Your love came and set me free
Now my soul can sing a new song, now my heart has found a home
Now Your grace is always with me
And I'll never be alone

So so true.

I've also been studying John with the BSF ladies. I had one realization as I was reading the commentary. Something I'd never thought about, but that gave me so much comfort.

Lately, I'd been overwhelmed and also acutely aware of how real darkness, dark forces, and the oppressive power of evil. A month or so ago, I remember watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy with my family at a gathering... it really made me think... about the power that sin has in our lives. We're so drawn to it. It's everywhere. It's ugly. It's got a LOT of minions that seemingly just sprout of the earth with little to no effort (like an Ork <--how do you spell it?) and are immediately ready and waiting to wreak havoc and hellfire on all that is good. It pounces on you and doesn't let go... sucking life and love out of you. And we're like... the little hobbits. The weakest, smallest, most defenseless of all the inhabitants of Middle Earth. We really don't stand a chance.

In the Bible, I think somewhere it says that sin is like yeast in a lump of bread dough. Just a little bit permeates and leavens the whole darn thing. You can't pick it out or remove it out once it's been introduced... so little has such a huge impact. I'm not even sure but it might even chemically bond at such a molecular level that it might be physically impossible under the laws of nature to separate again. We cannot humanly get away from it. We cannot remove leaven on our own. It would take a miracle... a purification process at the molecular level... even defying physics and the laws of nature to undo what has been so ingrained, integrated, and inter-meshed with every molecule of our being.

Darkness vs. light. Sometimes it feels like darkness conquers all that is good. Darkness wins. Darkness confuses and makes people lost... and it's so powerfully scary. But the battle is not darkness vs. light. The two are not equal entities. Darkness is not something that exists on its own, it is the absence of light and is therefore no match to the power of light. Light pierces through darkness. Darkness only blankets and covers when light is not there. Light will always conquer darkness. The battle has already been won. Who's side are you on?

With that perspective, I'd been SOOOO thankful, SOOOO grateful, so indebted... so in LOVE with Jesus Christ. So eternally thankful for the saving grace of the gospel... firstly, that Christ's blood has saved and redeemed me and secondly, that it continues to do so everyday for the rest of my life. I experience grace upon grace as I allow light to pierce through the darkness of my heart. It's so freeing, so joy-giving... it's beautiful.

Sorry I've been more vague in this entry than I have been previously. I just wanted to share that little bit of how beautifully rich my life has been lately. And there goes my alarm... waking me up for work. I'm glad I got to take a little time to share this with you. I hope it makes you think a little and also blesses you today. Much love to all. :)