Last month I took an actual vacation. I requested about a week and a half off of work, I bought plane tickets, paid for a cruise... this is how it was supposed to go:
- Fly to New York. Spend a couple days there.
- Get on a cruise ship and sail to Bermuda. Spend 4 days either at sea or in Bermuda.
- Disembark in New York, spend a day and a half in New York and fly home.
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| My favorite New York pizza |
So what did end up happening was although the first part of my vacation went as planned... things started to get all crazy once Hurricane Sandy decided to visit. I made it to New York and spent a couple days there... touring my favorite eateries... met up with a couple friends. Got a chance to meet up with a friend who recently moved back to Jersey. Very special. :) Thankfully, I hit up my favorite places during these first few days. Even went to Zabar's twice.
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| My absolute favorite NYC meal... #1 Proscuitto and Mozarella panini, fresh squeezed orange juice, and frozen yogurt at Zabar's |
While I was in New York, I get an email from the cruise line letting us know that they cancelled our stop at the Bermuda port. Boo. Since Hurricane Sandy was coming north towards New York, we kinda figured that we would travel away from the hurricane and end up cruising north... to Canada. This was problematic since I had already packed for 80 degree Bermuda. Thankfully my cousin was able to lend me a couple items with sleeves. All I packed were tank tops, a cardigan and one jacket for 60 degree New York. So... small change in plans... but the cruise was still a go.
We get to the dock on Saturday and check in... it's then that they break the news that our cruise destination would be Boston. Hm. Not quite what we were expecting but whatevers. The point was to hang out with my cousins on the cruise and that's exactly what we would do regardless. And I have a friend in Boston too. Maybe we could schedule a last minute hangout.
We were at sea on Sunday. I am very prone to motion sickness and let me tell you... it was pretty darn tipsy on the ship that day. We did manage to take a yoga class. I don't remember too much about that day other than we kept running into walls. Yay for ginger chews. I didn't throw up at all. :)
Monday we were docked in Boston Harbor but they cancelled all our "excursions" due to the stormy weather. We spent another day on the boat. Tuesday, we were still docked in Boston and we were allowed to get off the boat. We were then finding out that New York and New Jersey were flooded and they were cancelling flights flying out of JFK. They also told us that they would be extending our cruise from Wednesday to Friday, and that they didn't know where we would be ending the cruise since the Brooklyn harbor was also flooded and closed. Hmph. They would give us announcements every few hours with updates but mostly the updates were that they were sorry to have to interrupt our original plans due to "deteriorating weather". They wouldn't tell us anything beyond what was possibly going on the next day. By Wednesday, we all decided that we would just change out flights and fly out of Boston on Saturday night. Flights were still being cancelled out of JFK and we didn't want to risk getting stuck in New York. Thankfully, our airlines allowed us to change our flights without charging us extra. Thursday, we woke up and found out we were out to sea again. By then they told us that we'd be disembarking in New York on Friday morning. We also found out that lower Manhattan was flooded, the subway system wasn't working, there was no power, and there was a gas shortage. They were in a state of disaster. Our next plan was to rent a car, get out of the disaster zone, drive to Boston, spend a night in Boston and then fly out of Logan airport. Which is what we did.
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| Got a chance to re-live a favorite memory with my nursing school partner while in Boston |
All in all, it was an interesting experience. Come to think of it, the last time I was in New York in October, Air Force One grounded my departing flight, I spent 6 hours sitting in an airplane which had non-functioning bathrooms, some sort of engine malfunction, and then it started raining by the time they got everything sorted out and they cancelled my flight home. I had to spend another night in New York and fly home the next day. This experience was much better than the last one. Even though there was disaster and mayhem going on all around us, I felt like all of us on that cruise ship were protected from it all. There was some rocking on the boat that first day we were at sea, but we never lost power, we never ran out of food, and we were never bored. There was still plenty of activities planned on the boat and all of the staff were still courteous and polite to us despite having to serve us all for a few extra days. And I got to watch a lot of movies on the boat. And I got to spend a few extra days hanging out with my cousins. It really reemphasized to me how it really didn't matter what was happening around us... we enjoyed the extra time we had to spend with one another and just took things day by day.
Not everyone on the boat felt the same way we did though. A lot of people were extremely upset and took out their anger on the staff... were complaining to one another, were demanding this and that from airlines, from travel agents, from whoever they were trying to get a hold of to correct their situation in their eyes... and a lot of times, they were just downright nasty. I had an exam the following Monday and one particular day, I was studying in the library/internet cafe and every single person in that room was complaining to someone about something.... and there I was with my ipad and notebook, scribbling away, trying to re-learn immunology and acid/base balance.
Plenty of time to think on the boat. Even though I didn't throw up, I still got semi-motion sick. Sometimes it just felt better to lay down in bed than try to walk on a rocking ship. I kept thinking about how much this vacation reminded me about how sometimes my life just doesn't go as planned. When I was younger, I thought I had my whole life planned out. I thought I'd graduate at 22, get married by 25 and have all 2-3 of my kids by the time I was 30. I really didn't think about what I'd do as a job... I thought that being married and starting a family was more important... that I'd give up my career if it came down to it... and then just stay at home and do crafts or cook or bake all day long.
I met the man I was going to marry at the age of 21. I could have been on schedule to have the life I wanted... but... that's not what ended up happening. I didn't get what I asked for... I got something entirely different. A long distance relationship, my boyfriend was diagnosed with cancer at age 25, I was married and widowed by 27, and instead of children, I have 3 degrees and going on a 4th at age 30. What an odd turn of events.
I should have written this down a few weeks ago because now that I'm trying to write it, I've forgotten a lot of what I wanted to write. At church, we're going through a series called "Beauty for Ashes". I think I missed a couple of sermons while I was in New York/Boston, but the first one I remember of the series... actually I can't even remember what the speaker actually talked about but I do remember what I was thinking about during the sermon. First of all, the title, Beauty for Ashes... reminded me of Anderson... (1) that he was cremated... and (2) that I originally named my blog, "Anderson's Ashes" which was also to remind me of the phoenix which is reborn from its own ashes. The part of me that was one with Anderson... died and burned to ash when he did... and the me that survived my other half... is the new phoenix, living a whole new life... transformed and renewed. Anyway... oh yeah... I remember... the speaker was talking about breakups and probably the good that comes from it? I can't remember. All I remember is pondering with God... and asking myself... what I would say if God asked me what I wanted if I could have anything in the world.
I know it probably would have been better to say "world peace" or something noble like that. I decided that if He asked and since it's just between me and God... that I'd just get ridiculous and ask for what I really wanted... which is to marry Captain America. I half laughed at myself for thinking this... but I also asked myself what was it about Captain America that I really liked... other than his hotness. And I thought about it some more... and decided that it was his heart. He had a good heart. A sacrificial heart. A noble one. He was just a wimpy little guy at first who wanted to serve his country... and somehow chance would have it that he would get chosen for a special mission which gave him a body which would finally enable him to do what he wanted. And then I started crying. Because I realized that God already gave me what I wished for... I did marry my Captain America but he'd probably be my Captain Brazil or something instead. When I met him, he was just a little guy with a good heart... and God chose him and prepared him for a very special mission... one that only he could have undertaken... and I got to be a part of that... a part of us... and that was special. I hadn't cried about Anderson in such a long time that I thought that maybe I was done crying about him, but that particular day, I realized that maybe I'll never be done crying about it. It's not so much that I'm stuck in the past but the fact that remembering him moves me and amazes me. And I'm thankful that I got a chance to be a part of Anderson's special mission... and I've learned so much and changed so much in the process that I cannot deny the beauty that came from his ashes. That unexpected, undesired time in my life served a great and mighty purpose. So amazing.
I wrote last month that I was going through some kind of depressive funk. I think I'm still going through it a little bit but I hope that I'm pulling out of it. I'm having more moments where I laugh with my whole heart than moments where I'm depressed and downtrodden. There are still some things in life that I'm trudging through but in general, I think things are getting better. I wouldn't have asked God for this kind of detour... but even if I paid for a cruise to Bermuda and ended up having to detour to Boston... I think it all happens for a reason. Boston, at that time, was safer than Bermuda. We needed to and we were permitted to dock in Boston and wait for a bit... wait for things to calm down, for waters to recede... and for permission to return to New York. So maybe I just need to do what I did in Boston... just continue to enjoy the activities around me... eat, drink, be merry... do my studying... and wait til it's time to pull out of the funk and get back to being the me that I want to be. Just make the most out of what I've got, when I've got it... and what I've got isn't bad... it's not bad at all.
Oh yeah and I forgot to mention that when I got back from New York, I ended up getting some kind of stomach flu or something... I was vomitting, fatigued, feverish... sweaty and hot and then cold... it gave me even more time to spend resting in bed. I'm pretty sure I'm better now but because of all that happened in Boston/New York and then my stomach flu, I ended up taking 3 weeks off from work. Twice as long as I had originally planned but all in all... not too bad. I went back to work a few days ago and I had my first nursing student in maybe a year. It was fun. I love nursing students. They're so fun and funny and so excited to see things and do things. I love being reminded about how awesome it is to be a nurse and to get a chance to do the things that I do on a regular basis now. I feel like I haven't been a nurse that long but when I look at them, I remember that I was where they were just a few years ago and how far I've come since then. They see nursing with awe and wonder... and delight. It reminded me to do and to be the same way. What a privilege it is to be a nurse and to have a job. Many, many things to be thankful for.
Alritey... I think this was more a post for me to remember the past few weeks than anything else.
Until next time...
<3 p="p">Tiff
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