Day 228 - shift

I used to think that I'd lose half a day before and half a day after working the night shift. The other night, I realized that I didn't need to lose the "day" before... I would just shift the waking hours and stay up as late as possible the night before. So this is why I'm still up at 4am. I'm making the most out of my "day" which is the night for everyone else.

When I was in college and even afterwards, I'd stay up really late. There was something about the quiet of the wee hours of the morning that I had grown to love. No one's bothering me... even the dogs aren't barking...nothing is open so there are no errands to run...everyone's sleeping so there's no one to hang out with... it's just me... existing at home while the rest of the world lays still and quiet. For me, it's a magical time. I'm glad that I have a chance to reclaim the magical time in preparation for a work night. It's very restful and peaceful.

I don't stay up and do nothing. I feel like shifting my day to the nighttime is like getting a chance to do my things and I have lots of time to do it. Things I'd like to do but have put off due to busyness or those things that have dropped lower and lower on my priority list in favor of better things. Things like... rearranging the clothes hanging in my closet, cleaning, organizing, or tying up non-urgent loose ends. Or doing things that I'd do anyway but can just take my time doing... like folding my laundry (and smelling each piece as I put it away...) or cleaning my bathroom. If a button fell off my cardigan, I have the time to stop and sew it back on. Having time to do these very simple things in the way I would like to do them makes me happy.

I did have a thought the other night while cleaning my bathroom. I apologize in advance. This is going to be a little bit boring. I doubt this will be relateable for many of you but maybe it will for some. There was this area in my shower that was getting visibly dirty. It looked like kind of a light gray smudge at first and then the smudge just kept growing as time passed. The rest of the tub looked clean so I didn't really bother with the smudge. I actually don't like showering. It takes a little bit of gumption to get myself to shower and sometimes if I'm really super duper lazy and tired, I won't shower at all and I'll just go to bed. Anderson thought it was really gross. Every time he'd miss a shower, he'd say he was pulling a Tiff. Funny thing was... he'd always comment how good I smelled on a day that I didn't shower the night before. I really wonder what he was smelling. I always shower after working out tho... but how often does that happen? I absolutely always shower after coming home from the hospital. OK. Anyway. So my showers (when they happen) are usually pretty quick. I also prefer to clean my shower/tub while I'm actually in it, usually after taking a shower, so cleaning would make my shower time longer. Oh, it's also winter so it gets REALLY cold after I turn the water off... which also is a cleaning deterrent for me.

I forget when I was doing it but I had a lot of time that particular day/night and I decided to finally clean my tub. I started out with the smudge. I use Mrs. Meyer's scrub which smells good, but it's supposed to be gentle and biodegradable whatever-whats-it so it's probably not as strong as Comet or some cleanser with bleach in it. The smudge cleaned off pretty easily... but then as I scrubbed, I realized that along the edges of the smudge... the slurry (water with scrub) was greyish as well. I added more scrub, made more slurry... and realized that I'd have to clean the entire tub. As I scrubbed around, I realized that the tub had gotten dirtier than I'd thought. It still looked white but after the cleaning, I'd realized that the white my eyes had gotten accustomed to wasn't the white of pure cleanliness. It was a relative white that had gradually changed colors as little by little, the dirt had accumulated.

Similarly, my shower door is clear, unfrosted glass. I squeegee my shower doors after every single shower to keep it clean and free from soap scum. But my shower doors were getting to the point that, although I could still see perfectly through them, they were also starting to show some signs of soap scum so I decided to clean those too. Once again, I've been using some biodegradable natural whatever-whats-it glass cleaner, which again, smells good (citrus) but probably doesn't work as well as Windex. It takes a little more elbow grease to wipe it clean. I sprayed, I wiped. Sprayed and wiped. The more I wiped, the more I realized I needed to spray some more. After a good, thorough cleaning of my glass shower doors, I'd realized that the shower doors I thought were clean, weren't really clean at all compared to the clarity of freshly cleaned glass. I had been looking through foggy glass this whole time.

I don't know why but cleaning glass, mirrors, and especially the brushed chrome of the faucets is the most gratifying part of cleaning the bathroom. And what I'm actually doing is removing the buildup and accumulation of daily use, and restoring the surface to the beauty of its original luster (or at least as close as I can get it given it's not brand spankin' new anymore).

I'm not all that passionate about cleaning. You might think that's a lie since I just wrote 4 paragraphs about it, but it is something that I enjoy and that I constantly find life lessons in. I wrote a long time ago, when I was living in the hospital with Anderson, that a little maintenance goes a long way. This time, the lesson I learned that clean isn't clean when your standard of cleanliness is comparing today to the status quo of yesterday. Lots of things unknowingly build up day to day... probably undetectable to the human eye at first... but once you hit the point where it manifests itself and is visible... it's already beyond the point of maintenance cleaning... you've gotta really put some chemicals and elbow grease to scrub it clean.

Like the smear on the tub... it is possible to live with it. The shower still functions but... the smudge is there. And it grows... dirtying the place with which you are supposed to enter dirty and exit clean... so you might not exit as clean as you should have. Like my glass shower door... even though I squeegee it every single day... it's not the same as a real cleaning and the accumulation of soap scum starts to slowly cloud my vision and you can't see as clearly through it. Yes, you can still see, but the visibility is not crystal clear and sharp... it's a little bit foggy. And cleanliness IS close to godliness in the sense that God is holy and in Him there is no blemish, no sin, no dirt, no darkness. He is perfectly beautiful in all His glory, in all His original (and this time perfect) luster and shine. Removing the dirt and scum (that is not intended to be there) brings it (and us) closer to godliness.

If you haven't guessed now that I'm talking about sin... uh... I'm letting you know right now. How did I let things get to this point? Because I had been using the wrong standard of cleanliness on a day to day basis. K... it's probably not in all wisdom or usefulness of time to do a thorough cleansing of my bathroom every single day, but for us and our hearts... that's what we really should be doing. And we should do so with urgency. If someone else were to come over to my house, for sure I'd clean the bathroom for them. There's some accountability there and out of respect and honor for my guest, I would want to present this room, in particular, at its best. Now if I shift my mentality and attitude in that, my life (my bathroom) is not my own... and I'm just here housesitting or something for a short time for Someone... and how I do with this housesitting is a reflection of what will be entrusted to me in the future, how can I just "let it go" and say that it's clean when it really isn't? The true standard of cleanliness is absolute holiness and the Person to whom I present my life is not satisfied with anything less. And sort of like my cleaning chemicals... which might be "gentle" and smell good... they are not particularly effective or efficient to reach the standard of cleanliness that I need to obtain to make myself (or my bathroom) presentable to God. I need to use His cleaning stuff... Jesus's blood which powerfully conquers dirt and sin, which never runs out, and which will continue to work today, tomorrow, and forever for all the bathrooms (lives) that ever and will ever exist.

Alritey... it's been an hour. I'm going to stop now. And take a shower, actually. Or maybe not. :P