Day 282 - relationship randoms

Relationships bring me a lot of joy. I thought it was funny how my good friend called me "extro-converted" in that I'm an introvert converted into a somewhat extrovert. I don't think I'm all wild and crazy out there... I just love people. I love my friends. I like meeting new people. I like being around people. There's something about connecting with someone else that is just... magical. I'm deeply grateful for the people around me... there's just... so much richness... so much life... so much to pour out onto others...

I think relationships bring meaning. They breathe life into the lifeless. I think there is a deep yearning in all people to love and be loved... relationships is where it all happens.

I think God created relationships among us to help us relate to Himself better. They not only help us understand ourselves more... they give us opportunities to practice the second greatest commandment... to love others.

I'm all drugged up trying to get myself over this cold or sickness or whatever I've caught. I'm just trying to get my thoughts out even though my brain feels swollen and numb right now.

So how does one develop a relationship? I dunno... two ppl meet... they follow certain rules that society dictates... and then after a while... each friendship creates their own rules. I don't know where I'm going with this.

My relationship with God. I think it started out... not with experiencing Him, His love, or His friendship... but with a lot of rules. I don't know if I just acted like I knew what I was doing... I was just trying to follow the rules. And to an extent... the rules didn't make sense to me. They were... confusing... restrictive... impossible. I just didn't get it. Living like this... was so hard and disappointing. Full of failure.

It really wasn't until I glimpsed the love of God that everything began to make sense and fall into place. Everything... all of life... all of God's Word... everything... is all about God's love.

I'm sorry this is so random and choppy.

I think the beautiful thing about God is that He wants to have a relationship with every single person on this planet. Christianity is not about rules to follow... it's about having a relationship. Only an infinite God... an omnipresent God... an all-powerful God could even fathom having a personal, living, growing relationship with every single person ever. He can do it. Because He's God. He is limitless. He'll never leave me because He's too busy for me or caught up with someone else... it's Him and me... always and forever... to infinity and beyond.

So if it's all about the relationship... why do we always want a roadmap to life? Why do we think it's easier if God just tells us what to do and we do it? Why do we want explicit instructions? Maybe it's easier to follow a step-by-step than to have a relationship... but what is more fulfilling? Mindless rules or faith and obedience as a result of knowing that a loving God, and all-knowing God... always has our best interests in mind?

Sometimes God gives explicit instructions... sometimes not. Sometimes it's very obvious and very straightforward... sometimes not. God speaks in many ways... through His Word... directly into our thoughts... through other people... through circumstances. We miss a lot when we're not paying attention. And when we do hear... and we choose to ignore... we hear even less.

So many times, we want God to speak in mighty, miraculous ways. I've been reading about Elijah lately. Right after Elijah had his big victorious showdown on Mount Carmel with the false prophets, he fled. He fled away from Queen Jezebel who said that she'd kill him. He fled into a cave... and God met him. God said, "what are you doing here, Elijah?" and Elijah responded.

God told him to stand out on the mountain. God sent great crashing winds... but He was not found there. He caused a mighty earthquake... but He was not there either. And then a great fire... but He wasn't found there either. He was found in a still small voice. (1 Kings 18:11-12).

Sometimes... the God who has complete and infinite control of earth, wind, and fire... chooses not to speak to us through raw, brute power... but in a still small voice. Such restraint. Such gentleness. Such love and patience. And yet that still small voice is so powerful. It can cause us to fall flat on our faces... it can pierce to the very depth of our hearts... it can draw us out of our fear, our doubts, our trembling... and into the calm, peaceful presence of our Lord. He meets us. He speaks to us... in love. And we are to listen.

Be quiet before Him. Stop and listen. You will hear it. Wait for it.

I don't know half of what I'm doing most of the time. I've just found that it's easier to be true to myself than to try and pretend to be someone I'm not. The more time I spend with God... the more time I want to spend with people. The more of God's heart is revealed to me... the more I see how much God loves His people and wants me to do the same. The more I love God with all I've got... the more God's love fills me... the more it needs to spill out on people around me. I don't need to try to love people... I just do... because it is what happens naturally when you love God.

I wonder about a lot of people. I wonder about how they're doing. I care to know how you're doing... how you're feeling... what you're thinking. I want you to know that I'm thinking of you... wishing for you to be happy... wanting you to know that you're taken care of. For all the beautiful women in my life... I want you to know that you're beautiful. If I can think of practical ways to show this to you... to serve you... to care for you... I try to just do it. I can't take on everything at once... just whatever is brought to mind at the moment... moment by moment... wherever I'm led.

I don't even know if I made any sense. I just know... I'm tired. Gonna try to sleep. Been sleeping horribly the past few nights due to the coughing. Hope the drugs and some nice clean sheets do my body good. Thanks for reading my ramblings if you've gotten this far. I'm so drugged.